DON’T MARRY DOWN!
FIRST PUBLISHED IN 2011
I didn’t start Matchmaking, because I wanted to make Money, but to solve a problem that was ticking as a time bomb, which by the way is already exploding in our faces from different angles and within different Families.
As a marriage and personal counselor, I started matchmaking, because I realized there is so much MISMATCH among married couples. This keeps increasing the burden in marriage, and it is making marriage overwhelming, shattering, paralyzing, instead of comforting, easy, and installing into a life of great partnership and pleasant surprises.
I also realized so many people were getting married without knowing what marriage was all about. So many think it is all about sex, beauty, living off a wealthy partner, and all the rest of the superficial. Only a few realize that it has a lot to do with Commitment (and absolutely first to God), Maturation, Unconditional Love, Wisdom, Selflessness, Endurance, Character, and all the virtues that gives you stamina to make you soar in an institution where others fail and are still failing woefully everyday. So for me, Matchmaking is not just linking anyone available to someone, but through a painstaking process, bringing two suitable people together for a testimonial marriage.
If you look around you, you may observe, that many people both males and females are marrying down these days. Marrying down means getting married to partners that brings one into a lower or inferior condition, as of subjection, defeat, or disgrace with probable devastating consequences.
Recently one of my client that had come in for counseling got married and I was there to witness the occasion. She spent her money to sponsor her Wedding, paying for everything, including the suit her Husband (who had no job) and Best man wore, I knew her spending days were far from being over.
What can I say about those who look, but can’t see. These are the ones who get married to partners that are not good candidates for marriage. They should be in Counseling, or in a Psychiatric Hospital, or better still a Deliverance Home, so they will be set free to become all God has brought them here on Earth to be. That’s if they are ready to drop their Pride that always initiates their fall.
Don’t get me wrong, every marriage will go through the challenge of growth, because the couple will have to learn to make a lot of negotiations at first, and as they grow together end up learning to compromise as they drop negotiating, because Trust will be built over time on the platform of Truth and this will earned the respect of the couple. So the point is every marriage will go through growth challenges which is healthy.
But you see some marriages will go through extra challenges that are probably uncalled for, and not just face consequences, but grave and devastating consequences that can be avoided. This is because some people are stubborn and always want to prove a point. Everything they have done all their life so far is with the intention of proving a point. Such people brag that there is nothing they want in life that they have not gotten, unfortunately they have not learnt that there are some things they don’t need to want or have in life, because there are some things that one ends up pursuing and eventually have in one’s life that will terminate one’s destiny, change the scripts of one’s life, and eventually destroy that person.
When you attend certain Weddings, you already know if it’s going to last or not. There are some weddings you attend where there is a lot of money being spent for the ceremony, but can as well be considered a waste, because the guests in attendance are all like Peacocks, so full of themselves, waiting for who is going to greet who first, waiting to start a fight over the fact that their tables are not being served etc. Trust me, the couple in view may just not have a happy ending, because neither the Groom’s Family or Bride’s Family have enough moral standards to treat people right, and because this new couple is an offshoot of such an unfortunate stock, there are more chances they will end up not treating each other right as well.
There are some weddings you also attend where you know the thing was sponsored from just one side, and not from both. You will find one side gloriously dressed up, while the other side looks like people who have just come out from a poverty incubator. That side looks so wretched, so poor, so just not it, that even if the one side sponsoring the wedding has tried to dress up the parents of the poverty-stricken side, it will still be very obvious that it just doesn’t fit . In such weddings, you may find out that the Bride’s side most especially is the one looking very good, and fully in charge. If you are observant you will soon find out that they are the ones in charge of food, and the distribution of gifts, and sooner than later, the poverty-stricken side will start to complain and to curse because they feel they are not being treated right, and that they were just brought from their villages or slumps to be embarrassed. Since they should have known that coming to such an occasion is also an invitation to embarrass themselves, because it’s a very natural thing for the Rich to loathe the Poverty Stricken, because they don’t see them as a match, and since that occasion is not a “Feed The Hungry” program, the Rich will most likely feed themselves first.
Now how did such an occasion arise in the first place? Well it’s most likely the daughter from the wealthy home met the Son from the poverty stricken home, at work or most of the time from a religious setting, and was not told that Eros is not Love enough. And despite the fact that this guy has always been borrowing money from her to meet up with his moral obligations in his own father’s house, she still insisted that they should get married, not thinking about the fact that in this guy’s family, he is the only one who seems at that time to be working, but not necessarily making progress.
You see if you come from a family where you are the only one making progress, instead of seeing yourself as the one to bring wealth into that family or as the STAR of that family, I recommend that you humble yourself, and take your time to grow in your relationship with God, learn how to listen to God speak, and do only the things that God commands you to do for that home, and nothing more, so that you are not led by the enormous needs you find on ground, but by what God is specifically asking you to do for them, because that is the only thing God will multiply back to you.
If you think because you have a lucrative job, you have now become the ATM for a Family with a poverty stricken foundation, you will soon become an abandoned ATM full of dust and no longer visited by anyone. You see poverty is a Curse, and spending money on the accursed is not what solves the Spiritual Problem, it is GOD ALONE who has the power to turn around the situation of a generational foundation. As you stay under His Guidance, He will surely show you how to Gracefully help yourself and family, because God is Always looking for who to Bless.
Parents should investigate what kind of Families their Sons and Daughters are going into and not act desperately because they just want them (especially the Daughters) to get Married.
Do you think you Married down or about to Marry down? Before you conclude on that, Consult with Jerome.