I have the privilege of Counseling with Married Couples, and by that I mean couples that are legally and morally married. I say that because there are so many people who have no problems getting married to someone else’s husband or wife these days. It’s so bad that even after you have helped with investigation and have prove that they are married to someone who is still legally married, they refuse to let go of the illegal union and challenge even God to break them apart if He can, and so when I say Married Couples, please understand I mean those married before God, and then before Men.
It may surprise you though that as married as people can be, lots of couples are still struggling with unforgiveness in their marriage due to too much hate and anger inside of them. Criss Jamie says
“Grudges are for those who insist that they are owed something; forgiveness, however, is for those who are substantial enough to move on.”
And so because most people have not been able to move on from hate and anger inside of them, due to the injustice they faced from where they are coming from, their marriage suffers so much setback, because they find out that as much as they desire to love, and be loved in return, they are not free to do so. For this reason, every perceived injustice they sense coming from their spouse makes them take an adversarial stand against him/her already which usually comes as a shock to the partners of people in such unfortunate circumstance.
You will hear the spouse of such a person say “he/she treats me like he/she hates me and wants me out of his/her life yet keeps begging me not to leave when I can’t take it anymore. Jerome, I am confused”. I believe this is what Roberto Assagioli meant when he said
“Without forgiveness life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.”
And Corrie Ten Boom says
“Forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hatred. It is a power that breaks the chains of bitterness and the shackles of selfishness.”
Please if you are married to this kind of person, understand that:
- You are not the reason this person is like this. This person has so much baggage from where he/she is coming from.
- You are not the only one married to someone like this. As a matter of fact some of the people that I counsel with who are in their 40s right now admit to the fact that they didn’t meet their mom or dad until they were in their 20s, and all they knew was a single parent who couldn’t provide stability, but had them moving from one place to the other most of the time, which made them move from anger, to bitterness, and then to resentment.
- You are in a situation that only True Love can conquer. Bryant H. McGill says “There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.” This unfortunate situation that you find yourself doesn’t necessarily mean the end of your marriage, but a chance for you to mature spiritually, emotionally, psychologically and mentally, which is why Cherie Cater-Scott says “Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you are.
- While in the marriage, it’s not just the two of you alone. God never abandons a marriage where He stands as a Witness. While everyone else left after the wedding, God moved in with you to see to it that your marriage is a success. As a matter of fact, King Solomon gives a wonderful picture of that when he said in the book of ecclesiastes 4:12 that “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken”. So whenever you feel you are being overpowered, you have God’s hand of defence to hold unto.
- Counseling can be valuable for you now, and that’s where I, Jerome Yaovi Onipede come in. Please get in touch. I understand and have worked with situations like this, and can be of assistance professionally.
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