PLEASE HE IS ALL I WANT, TELL ME WHAT TO DO
by Jerome Yaovi Onipede
Dear sir, I got your Number Online, because I learnt you are a Relationship Counselor. Please I need your help. I am in love with a guy so much, and he does love me too, but at some point I cheated on him with someone in the area so he got to find out and he doesn't trust me anymore neither does he believe a word from me and I am not too good at expressing my feelings that much so it made the relationship unstable.
He is a very sensitive person and he sees me and sometimes tells me that I am a liar and he can't get over the thought of me cheating on him out of his mind.
He suspects me of having an affair with a friend of mine, and one day he called me with an unknown number, but at that time I was with that friend of mine so I didn't want to pick, and I gave it to the guy to pick and now my boyfriend is really fed up of the relationship,he doesn't pick my calls anymore collected his keys from me I think that is break up and I can't get him out of my mind I keep calling everyday but he doesn't pick, I want to go to his house and apologize even though my apology and tears don't move him any more.
Please sir help me, I am so confused, I am sorry to bug you. Please he is all I want, tell me what to do. Maame Efua
Thanks for asking for help, and may God give you the real help that you need. I am not sure I want to help you get your boyfriend back, because I don't think it's adviceable. You already said that he is a SENSITIVE person, and if that is correct, he may find it DIFFICULT TO LET GO OFF OFFENSES! If he takes you back, he will ALWAYS refer to you cheating on him, and how much of a liar you are. He will always look for reasons to suspect you, doubt you, and CONDEMN you. Because he is a sensitive person, he will now come to HATE YOU, with the same degree that he once loved you, not because he wants to, but because he can't and won't be able get over it, even if it happened once, except he gets help through Counseling. Now that's because when sensitive people love, you wonder if it's really you they love or THE IDEA OF LOVE, since at the inception of the relationship all they see is that the person they are in love with is Perfect, and even if people around them point out some OBSERVABLE FLAWS in the person, they just won't see, they just believe that true love is perfect, and that the person they are in love with is just SPOTLESS! So you can imagine the shock when they are confronted with REALITY that no one is perfect, they are just NOT PREPARED to accept it.
However, the reason why I said it's not adviceable for you to go back to him is because at this point of your life, YOU CAN'T KEEP YOUR PROMISES.
For now, you will always cheat on him, and tell more lies. I say so because YOU DON'T SEEM TO HAVE CONTROL OVER YOUR OWN LIFE right now. You love a guy so much, and yet you have to look for maybe attention, affection, affirmation, and approval from other men? Does that not tell you that you really need help indeed, and that the help you need is not getting a boyfriend back, but getting to a point in your life where you can FIND YOURSELF!
I believe your NEEDS HAVE TURNED TO LUSTS (like it has for so many reading this article at the moment) which is why you have NO SATISFACTION being with your boyfriend, and also NO RELIEF being with other guys at the same time. NEEDS can be met, but LUSTS can never be met. A NEED IS A STATE THAT REQUIRES SUPPLY AND RELIEF, while LUST IS AN INTENSE LONGINGS FOR THINGS.
What actually turns our Needs to Lust is Abuse. Abuse of any form destroys us, it makes us become dysfunctional if we are not ATTENDED TO. It makes us loose control of who we are, and right before our very eyes, we find ourselves becoming everything we don't ever want to be (do you know that CHEATING is becoming more popular by the day, and not Fidelity? Show me the Married Man that is not cheating now, even the one that got Married yesterday. Married Women are also learning to catch their fun outside now with men they meet on a Social Media or at Work. Ah! It's even worse the level of immorality happening amongst Married men and women at work these days) which eventually brings us to a point of depression and we start depending on chemicals to help us live what is left of our damaged lives. Haven't you noticed that more and more youths are depending on Indian Hemp right now to be in Control, which is chaotic, because Marijuana can't do the job.
Maame, there is a possibility you have been a Victim of CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE and other forms of Abuse, and now YOU BELONG TO NO ONE, YOU BELONG TO EVERYBODY! And that's dysfunctional. The first thing you want to do is get you back to belonging to yourself, then you can be in Charge of your Mind which you use for thinking, your Emotions which you use for feeling, and your Will Power which you use for making decisions in life. Will you find Personal Counseling useful at this time? I say ABSOLUTELY. You will be surprised at how much you can achieve through Counseling. So what will be the Role of God in all of these? HE IS ACTUALLY ALL YOU NEED! When you begin to discover through Counseling where you are on the way to where you should be, you will begin to see your TRUE NEED FOR GOD, and that you can't truly find yourself without Him.
Maame, you don't need your boyfriend back now, he can't help, and you can't help him, because YOU CAN'T EVEN HELP YOURSELF AT THE MOMENT. Making promises that you will NOT be able to keep is useless. GET HELP FOR YOURSELF!!!
Consultation With Jerome is not free