Written by jerome yaovi onipede. Posted in Get Captivated



As I sat down waiting for the Coach the "Greyhound" to pick me up at one of their stops near the Wharf in Southampton to London Victoria, I kept on thinking about so many things especially what women were going through in relationships. Before now, a friend of mine Chidinma Oguejiofor known as Didi who I had previously met at the Federal Girls Government College many years ago while she was a student then when I ran a Mission called Rescue and Holdback Operations had played host to me at Southampton, where she now works at the time of writing this article, after obtaining her Masters Degree from University of Southampton.


Didi is the liveliest lady I have encountered after a long while, and believe me you can feel her presence in her company with you. When you are with her, you don’t think sex, because she has other things to offer you in a relationship other than her body. She is smart; she is life of any party, creative, meticulous, down to earth, original and just Didi. There are few people I meet and don’t want to rush out of their presence, and trust me, she is one of them. Unfortunately after showing me more of Southampton, and waited with me for a while as I waited to go back to London, she had to leave me, because she had promised to be with a girlfriend of hers that evening long before she made arrangements with me, and had to keep that promise, because her word was also her bond, and that also, I admire about her. It was at this point I started thinking about good women who made promises in the past and may no longer be able to keep it, and one in particular came to my mind. Let me take you through her narration as she told me what she had had to go through.


Jerome, I am so excited I can talk to you, because all I think that is left right now is for me to lose my mind and be taken to the psychiatric hospital. I have decided to talk to you because while I was driving past a path in Kanda in Accra someday, I saw a lady misbehaving as she was attempting to strip herself naked with people running to her rescue. When I asked what happened, I was told that she has just been jilted by her boyfriend, and it was at this point that I realized that that could have been me. It was at this point I realized that I had to talk to someone before going mad, and through certain orchestration of events, I have ended up before you.


Let me first ask, you this question, “do men change, I mean do people change from what you use to know that you begin to wonder if you ever knew them at all, because I think that is what has happened in my own case.” When I met my husband, we use to be great friends. Then he didn’t have too many friends so he was content in being with me and all. We would go out together, do things together that even family members use to wonder if we ever do things separately, because where ever I am, so also is he, until he started working in a different branch of his office and suddenly he started saying he had to do a lot more with his colleagues who were making him have a grasp of all he had to do at the new branch.


By this time, he started coming home late, may not eat my food giving one excuse or the other. When I probed a bit into what was really happening I discovered that most of the colleagues he was with were females and that gave me concern, because keeping such late nights in the midst of single ladies was not what I thought would tickle the fancy of a married man given the fact that we had not had irresolvable differences in my opinion between us, and I still thought we were a great couple together. I called his attention to this, but he kept on making excuses as per why he had to be with them saying he wasn’t good with certain financial tools and some of these ladies were just doing a good job helping him out. I remember in one of such occasions, I had met him in a compromising position with a lady who didn’t wear a bra and most of her breasts were out of her top. This got me a bit worried because I didn’t think this was the man I married, because I remember in different occasions he had talked against such situations, and I had thought how lucky I was to have been married to a man like that, so seeing this baffled me, and so I called my mother to get her opinion on this. To my surprise my mother went gaga and told me not to take crap from him, but confront him, and set boundaries right there and then, but you see, I also felt guilty making my mother or anybody else see him in that light, so I stopped talking to my mother about him, and gave the impression that everything was alright until things became worse.


He started complaining that all I wanted was sex and we stopped having sex regularly, not that our sex life has been fantastic before then, because he has always turned me down whenever I wanted him to be with me sexually complaining about headache today and pain in the leg the next day, until it got to a point that I thought may be my sexual desire for my husband was way out of line, and I started to pray to God to take away the sexual desire from me, but it remained. Later things deteriorated the more that it got to a point that I had to beg him for sex. There had been times he will be touching me and be focused on the TV, and you can tell his mind was not there, and I would go away feeling humiliated, and thinking a prostitute was better than me.


To cut the long story short after not having sex with my Husband for 2 years, I signed up as a married woman who will like to meet other men through these mobile services. I have met a few of them physically, but not attracted to them. But you see before it got to this point, I had a gym instructor that I was hoping I could pay to have sex with me in one of the occasions, but when I think about it, I shudder. I also look at the different men when I go to the Accra Mall, sometimes looking at the area of their penises and when these men look at me, I quickly take away my eyes and run away. I even started asking God to give me a man that will be having sex with me, until I resorted to the telephone links, and you will be surprised at how many of us married women are subscribing to these kinds of services now. Like I told you, I haven’t found any of them attractive for what I want because I don’t like the way they dress or speak. Jerome I am a professional woman so maybe you understand my constraints, but you see if I don’t get help now, I am sure it won’t matter anymore if it’s my driver that is available to render the service.


Jerome I am losing my mind and I need your Help. As a matter of fact, my prayer now is “Bless me Father, I am about to sin.” Judge me if you will Jerome, but just help me from losing my mind. I love you, and believe in what you are doing.  Maame Ama.


Maame, I am aware that some Married Women are going through this situation at this time, so I first suggest that all the Married Women out there who have not been having sex in their marriages because their husbands have refused to have sex with them, and are now looking forward to meeting men who just might want them sexually, to please get in touch with me. There is something better out there for them, a Loving Group they can identify with, where they can find a PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE, and experience the true LOVE OF GOD.


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